unironicallyenthusiasticknitter:
“really?” I say to inanimate objects that are not working like they usually do
“Stay.” I glare at inanimate objects that continuously fall over
“Thank you!” I say exhasperatedly to the inanimate objects when they do finally work right/stay put
“Sorry! I say to the table I bumped into
“SHHH” I say to the inanimate object that keeps making noise
“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” I huff at the persistent kitchen timer.
“Don’t take that tone with me!” I exclaim at objects that make strange and sudden unknown noises.
“Stop crying, you’re fine,” I snap as I’m looking for the charger cord for the electronic device beeping demandingly at me.
“Oh nice, real mature,” I snarl at devices that suddenly stop working after I berate them for not working properly.
JESUS CHRIST I HAVE NEVER RELATED SO HARD IN MY LIFE
I feel like if any of y’all got cursed into The Beast, you’d probably take the whole “furniture is alive” part pretty well in stride
“Easy there, easy, come on you can do it” I tell the printer every time I need to print something in a hurry. The trick is not to let it smell your fear.
“Seriously?” I ask, equal parts exasperated and frustrated, when an object falls over as soon as my back is turned.
“Nice, dude!” I chirp sarcastically at a whole pile of things after they’ve tumbled to the floor.
“Work damn you! I know the moneys in there so you have no excuse to not work”
I say glaring at the atm or other electronic banking device.“Well fuck you too!” I snap at my computer as it freezes up for the fourth time in 15 minutes.
“I am THIS CLOSE to applying the Rite of Percussive Maintenance.” I instruct my electronics when they continually refuse to function
And people look at you weird when you are ‘caught in the act’ of yelling at the naughty instruments.
“That’s a good girl.”–talking to the really unreliable copy machine when it completes a job without jamming.
The Archery Range 