Are you a witch who has just experienced something infuriating, or perhaps being aggro as fuck is just your state of being?
MAKE FUCKING BREAD.
IT’S CHEAP, EASY, AND ENDS IN YOU HAVING FOOD IN YOUR FACE, WHICH WILL CURE YOU OF YOUR AGGRO IF IT IS CAUSED BY BEING HANGRY. IT’S BASICALLY THE BEST WAY TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SOMETHING LEGALLY.
HOLY COW I LOVE KNEADING.
STICK HERBS IN YOUR BREAD FOR CALMING.
DRAW A SIGIL ON IT WHILE IT PROVES TO TRANSFER YOUR ANGER AWAY FROM YOU.
HOLY SHIT I LOVE MAKING BREAD.
Can we get some basic bread recipes for the witch who has never made bread before?
YOU FUCKING BET WE CAN.
I TOTALLY SUCK AT BAKING, BUT EVEN MY CONFUSED ASS WAS ABLE TO EXECUTE THIS EASY BREAD RECIPE LIKE A BOOOSSSSSS.
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2060/easy-white-bread?fcid=199899
ONLY 5 INGREDIANTS. MAXIMUM POTENTIAL FOR ANGER-KNEADING.
But personally I think 2tsp of salt is a bit heavy for this size loaf. To me it tastes much lighter with just one, so, ya know, different strokes…
WATCH THIS BRITISH GUY IF YOU’RE A VISUAL LEARNER.
NOW YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO MAKE THE ANGER-LOAF OF YOUR DREAMS.
AND ONCE YOU’VE DOMINATED THE BASIC LOAF, YOU CAN GET FANCY AND ADD HERBS AND STUFF AND TURN YOUR ANGER-LOAF INTO A FANCY ANGER-LOAF.
Tag: unfuckupable recipes
Unfuckupable Recipe: Parmesan Crusted Chicken
Hi guys! It’s been a while since I posted one of these, but it’s so fucking good that I had to. For my new followers who haven’t seen this before, these recipes are unfuckupable and the language used within is completely irreverent. Have fun.
Disclaimer: thank Hellmann’s for this recipe, I looked this shit up.
What your hungry ass will need:
Some mayo. I used Best Foods because it’s what we had on hand, but I really don’t give a fuck what brand you like. Use some fucking mayo.
Parmesan. I used Kraft because I’m a cheap and poor sap, okay? Don’t get on your high horse for this, but if you have some expensive shit to use, I ain’t gonna stop you.
Breadcrumbs. Believe it or not, I didn’t have any fucking breadcrumbs. I DID have some sealed dressing from fucking Easter (?????? WHY MOM WHY????) that was actually still good, and smashed it with a hammer. I recommend Italian breadcrumbs, but season them as you will. Make some Cajun variety and send me the recipe and I’m down. I love that shit.
Some chicken. I use tender-sized stuff because it thaws quickly, but I’m not going to stop you from using full-sized breasts (heh), just cut them in half before coating them and shoving them in the oven.
WHAT DO YOU DO?!
Preheat your oven to 425. It was hotter than Satan’s asshole outside today, so I used a toaster oven. Rinse the fucking chicken first off. Chicken juice is nasty shit and none of you want that. Rinse and dry with a paper towel. If you used full breasts, please cut those in half now.
I think that’s the first time I’ve said please in one of these, btw….
Next, place those bad boys on a baking sheet. I put mine on a wire rack inside the baking sheet because it was already there and I’m lazy as fuck. Leave them there for a moment.
Take as much mayo as you want and put it in a bowl. Dump an ass load of Parmesan in said bowl and mix it. It should still be moist enough to spread (think really soft butter). Taste it and season if you want to. Spread it on top of the chicken breasts (I COVERED those babies, but use as much as you want. I’m not gonna judge you.), then sprinkle with the breadcrumbs.
Throw the pan o’ chicken in the oven and wait for 20 god forsaken minutes. Cut open to ensure doneness (or, if you wanna be fancy with a meat thermometer–mine’s broken–check to make sure it’s at least 165).
I ate my chicken from heaven with some pasta (in a Parmesan butter sauce) and peas. You can figure that bit out for yourself.
Enjoy!
The Archery Range 