So, you’ve made it to Vegas with a couple of friends, and you’re walking the Strip, having fun, and you see this drink stand. The mixing machines look like those ICEE things, and then you see what, at the moment, seems like the Best. Idea. Ever. There is this three feet long drink glass, with a strap around it to make carrying it easier. You fill it with a couple of the mixes that taste good, pay, and are on your merry way.

This is where my advice comes in. Don’t do this. The amount of alcohol will lead to you either being hella drunk, or being taken to the hospital. The glass, when full, weighs about 25 pounds and legitimately hurts to carry after about five minutes. You have to walk very slowly in order to drink out of the straw.

I wound up pouring half of my drink down the toilet in the Cosmopolitan. It’s 8:54 am the next day, and I’m pretty sure I’m STILL drunk.

Do not do the foolish things that I have done.

The amount of alcohol I’ve had in the past three days is obscene. Nothing compared to my college days, but damn.