In flower language? Probably, I think I’ve even reblogged something to that effect. But….most ppl don’t know flower language anymore. No, if you need a true “fuck you” then here’s my DIY official tutorial, the Death Bouquet:
(This is gonna be the least wholesome post I’ve ever written and I am so sorry but I am also laughing while I type this.)
I’ve been railing on Pink Floyd roses a lot for their thorns lately because one has sliced my hand open recently. Get some of those.
Next. Get you some ornamental thorn roses. (I’m not 100% but I think mermaid climbing roses fall into this and are also brutal)
Next. Thistles. Lots of thistles. More thistles than sense.
Next. Dusty miller flower greens. Soft. Weak. Floppy. Clog up your bouquet with these, especially in the middle where they’ll make the stems stick together.
Next. Baby’s Breath. This is your secret weapon. You can’t tell when they’re dead half the time, they’re strong. Too strong. The wrong touch and FOOOOOOF. Tiny leaves and petals EVERYWHERE it’s as good as a glitter bomb.
NEXT. Abandon common arrangement sense. Fillers first, clog the center with fillers. Clog it, make it dense. Stick a rose or two in, but you want at least 70% filler.
NEXT. Hide the thistles. Hide them under the roses. Make sure some of the heads are at hand level. Spray them with water. You want those stems damp and miserable. Thistles harden as they die.
NEXT. The roses. Line this puppy in roses. Ornamentals and Floyds should be along the outside, this bouquet should be DEADLY to put any weight on. Spray them with water. This bouquet should be so tightly packed that your “handle” looks more like a solid mass than anything else.
NEXT. Wrap them in paper. TISSUE PAPER. Thin, weak, damp. Even gardening gloves can’t save your hands now.
NEXT. Be strong, treat the bouquet like a bed of nails. The more evenly spread the weight, the less likely you are to get hurt. You will be tempted to give these roses away in person, but be strong. Your ginger body language will give up the game.
FINALLY. Deliver them. Know. KNOW that your plan has worked, because anyone with any sense will see a bouquet and just FIST it with one hand. Maybe the other will come to support it. But just that. Just the hands. Meeting thorny death. A dozen little needle presses. The paper will be too damp to unravel, to see what has done this. They’ll grab it a few times, trying to learn the secret.
Deliver it with a nice note. Sincere, heartfelt. Make them feel obligated to deep the Death Bouquet. This is where the density comes in. Damp, suffocating, these flowers will mold in secret. They’ll die and their odor will permeate the air. But, because of the nature of the baby’s breath….it’ll be hard to find. Hard to detect. The roses will be sheltered because they’re on the outside, getting air and water. But the center will mold, and stink.
Eventually, they’ll realize it’s the flowers, and they’ll move the bouquet, and POOF, it will shatter, leaves and petals everywhere, releasing a gag worthy odor unlike anything they’ve smelled before.
And that’s how you say “fuck you” with a bouquet.
This was the most amazing read and I need to do this *now*
DID YOU REGISTER IN TEXAS VIA VOTE.ORG??? YOU MUST RE REGISTER. Do not let them suppress your vote!
Honestly in any state please any time you register, make sure you’re doing it through the proper channels (use the info on your gov sites), and once you have, double check your registration status via your own state’s government website to make sure it went through. It’s a pain in the ass but better to deal with a bit of headache now than find out the hard way when you get to the polls that something went wrong.
And if you don’t have early voting where you live, you could be stuck waiting in a line for hours & then get to the front & be told you can’t even vote. Check you’re registrations y’all, they’re out to stop us
art takes hours to produce and seconds to consume so dont act suprised when artists get upset when their posts only get likes and no reblogs
similarly a piece of writing that takes a few minutes to read could have weeks of work behind it… dont take creativity for granted when ur getting it for free
Most behaviors that you see keepers demonstrate at the zoo or aquarium are natural behaviors that the animals do in the wild. When the animals do them, the keepers give them a treat and pair it with a gesture or a word, so that they associate them, and eventually the word or gesture is enough to elicit the behavior because the animal knows that there’s a reward. But here’s the thing: most of those behaviors are encouraged because they help veterinarians and keepers do health checks.
Yeah, its cute when they nose boop the stick, but also keepers need to check their vision and depth perception and mobility. Sea lions are so cute when they wave! But vets and keepers need to check under those flippers to make sure that they’re healthy and that they don’t have any restrictions on their motion or cuts on their skin. Why do they ask animals to jump? Again, to make sure that they’re healthy, and also because its fun and animals LOVE to move around and jump and have fun, its mentally stimulating.
This is the most important thing I will ever reblog and anyone who is still ignorant enough to think zoos are awful can fuck off my blog. Zoos are necessary. If you think otherwise please unfollow me because I don’t want you here.
This is super important for people to see. I have worked at a zoo and I can not tell you how many times I’ve had to defend the zoo for the good they do. People need to learn that zoos are actually helping save endangered species.
Remember: Sea World is not a zoo and doesn’t really care about animals unless they can make a profit. Fuck Sea World.
Alternatively, Busch Gardens does care for their animals.
The new Venom movie has a scene with intense flashing lights (the lab entry scene) and I received no warnings and had to leave (just for that scene) as I am epileptic!!! PLEASE share this since I’ve seen NO warnings being shared and this is very important and can prevent people from having seizures etc during the film.
Reblog to save someone (like my wife) from a seizure
The Archery Range 