Hi guys! It’s been a while since I posted one of these, but it’s so fucking good that I had to. For my new followers who haven’t seen this before, these recipes are unfuckupable and the language used within is completely irreverent. Have fun.

Disclaimer: thank Hellmann’s for this recipe, I looked this shit up.

What your hungry ass will need:

Some mayo. I used Best Foods because it’s what we had on hand, but I really don’t give a fuck what brand you like. Use some fucking mayo.

Parmesan. I used Kraft because I’m a cheap and poor sap, okay? Don’t get on your high horse for this, but if you have some expensive shit to use, I ain’t gonna stop you.

Breadcrumbs. Believe it or not, I didn’t have any fucking breadcrumbs. I DID have some sealed dressing from fucking Easter (?????? WHY MOM WHY????) that was actually still good, and smashed it with a hammer. I recommend Italian breadcrumbs, but season them as you will. Make some Cajun variety and send me the recipe and I’m down. I love that shit.

Some chicken. I use tender-sized stuff because it thaws quickly, but I’m not going to stop you from using full-sized breasts (heh), just cut them in half before coating them and shoving them in the oven.

WHAT DO YOU DO?!

Preheat your oven to 425. It was hotter than Satan’s asshole outside today, so I used a toaster oven. Rinse the fucking chicken first off. Chicken juice is nasty shit and none of you want that. Rinse and dry with a paper towel. If you used full breasts, please cut those in half now.

I think that’s the first time I’ve said please in one of these, btw….

Next, place those bad boys on a baking sheet. I put mine on a wire rack inside the baking sheet because it was already there and I’m lazy as fuck. Leave them there for a moment.

Take as much mayo as you want and put it in a bowl. Dump an ass load of Parmesan in said bowl and mix it. It should still be moist enough to spread (think really soft butter). Taste it and season if you want to. Spread it on top of the chicken breasts (I COVERED those babies, but use as much as you want. I’m not gonna judge you.), then sprinkle with the breadcrumbs.

Throw the pan o’ chicken in the oven and wait for 20 god forsaken minutes. Cut open to ensure doneness (or, if you wanna be fancy with a meat thermometer–mine’s broken–check to make sure it’s at least 165).

I ate my chicken from heaven with some pasta (in a Parmesan butter sauce) and peas. You can figure that bit out for yourself.

Enjoy!