So, I learned something by having a potentially sticky situation in my classroom.

We were doing an icebreaker that involved students writing facts about themselves on some sticky notes, bringing them up, and me reading them aloud and having the students who had that in common remain standing while others sat down (it’s simple and fun).

One of my students wrote down that she’s a lesbian. I read it to myself before anything, as I’d been doing with all of the stickies. Then I thought to myself, “I appreciate that she may very well be ready to come out in front of everyone, but I need to be Really Sure that that is the case.”

Let’s face it, high schoolers are assholes, even to people they like, even unintentionally. It’s just how high school is. I wasn’t about to let her come out without being POSITIVE she wanted to do that. My friends ran around school outing me left and right when I told them I’m bisexual. It sucked. No person was going to be outed without being sure they wanted to be.

So I looked at her and I said, “Can I say that, or should I just come up with another one for you?” I’d done that before, saying someone’s grade level instead of something that wasn’t going to get a bunch of students to sit down. She actually THOUGHT about her decision for a second and said, “Can you say something else?”

I did so, and the class went on as planned. After the bell rang, I called her over, waited for the others to leave, and said “I don’t want you to think that it’s ever not okay to come out. If you feel comfortable coming out, I’m not going to stop you. I just want you to come out on your terms, with as much certainty as possible.” She gave me a look for a moment and I said, “I get it. I’m bisexual, and didn’t come out to people on my terms.”

She immediately thanked me profusely, and said “I thought ‘I’m confident, I can handle this.’ And then I thought about it when you asked me and thought ‘no, no I’m not.’” She then thanked me again, told me to have a good weekend, and left to go home.

So, guys, please always double-check with the person involved before outing them. They may be making a spur of the moment decision, they may not want to come out to that particular person, or they might simply have second-thoughts.