Five years from now, you run into [Chris Evans and/or Sebastian Stan] miraculously. You pretend you’re not a rabid fangirl and manage to keep your chill, and he actually seems genuinely interested to carry a conversation with you. You’re pretty sure this is a dream come true, because holy banana balls, he’s just asked if you wanna grab a drink. Of course you accept, because hello. This is all of our craziest fantasies come to life, let’s not even kid ourselves here.
You spend all evening talking and getting to know each other, and take THAT Tumblr, celebrities totally CAN fall for one of their fans. It helps that he still doesn’t actually know you’re a fan, but whatever, that’s splitting hairs, who’s splitting hairs? Definitely not you! You’re smiling and he’s smiling and you’re both laughing and things feel so comfortable, like you’ve known each other for years!
Somewhere during the conversation, he pulls out his phone to take your number. While he’s at it, he asks what your [twitter and/or Instagram] is – maybe cause he wants to follow you (HOLY SHIT!), maybe because he wants to check out your pics, because he finds you pretty and interesting (and again, HOLY SHIT!).
Without thinking much of it, you give it to him.
He stops, suddenly frowning while the gears in his head start to spin. He recognizes that handle. He’s seen it a billion times before, leaving comments on his social media – but why, why is that so familiar?
Oh yeah.
“DADDY!”
“HI DAD!”
“I LOVE YOU DADDY!”
“FUCK ME, DADDY!”
He promptly grabs his jacket, mumbles a polite but hasty excuse to leave, and flees the fuck out of there. You never hear from him again.
Because it turns out that calling people you don’t know “mom” or “dad” on their personal social media is creepy as shit, and most celebrities don’t actually appreciate it or feel comfortable by it.
The end.
A little louder for the ignorants in the back.
The Archery Range 